dear patience, we are going to be friends this year

We've been at best acquaintances, but this year requires more of us.

My roommate just read me for filth… and I have to share it with others because it hit hard but uplifted me that much more…

Back in the day I needed to know the future to move forward. It was imperative that I prepare for every scenario so that nothing would surprise, devastate, disappoint, or kill me. I remember in the fourth grade going to ZodiacGirlz.com on the school computer and clicking on the crystal ball feature that would answer all my questions and tell me my future. It was reassuring to know that so-and-so liked me and we were going to get married one day! Now, at 26 years old, having just finished my Master’s thesis and jumping into a new year with new and unknown opportunities… I wish I was that little girl again who could lean on that crystal ball.

I was expressing this to my roommate recently. I told her how frustrated I was and ready to move on to the next stage in my life, pushing past all these unknowns. Now that I have closed the graduate school chapter and began my 6th year living in New York City, it was time for the next thing. Time to make more money, new job, publish books (did I say more money?), financial freedom, spiritual awakenings, succeed, succeed, SUCCEED! My roommate had one word for me:

Patience.

Not my favorite word because it usually means one of two things: Sit and wait or work in faithand I need practice in both…

My roommate shared her experience of what it was like to stay present and grounded in patience, while going through her own transitions. She described how she remained at the same frequency no matter the circumstances because she knew that the change she wanted to happen was going to take time. She accepted that it was going to take time to get to where she wanted to be so saw no reason in rushing each step. I didn’t like it, but she was right.

I had to ask myself later, considering the year I had and the transitions ahead, why do I feel the need to rush? After some meditation, I found that I was attacking the future in order to keep myself from embodying the much-needed silence that comes with transitioning into new blessings. I had to remind myself that the future is friendly and the crystal ball I leaned on as little girl is now much bigger and way more reliable. Her name is God.

Transitions take time, reflection, action, and most of all patience, whether I like it or not. It is my choice to accept that. I imagine I'll enjoy 2020 much more if I accept that transitions are sacred ellipsis in our journeys that deserve to be nurtured and acknowledged with grace, peace, and joy. That is my hope and this my time to practice it. So, I offer this epiphany to you if you’re also diving into 2020 with questions, transitions, and ambitions for what’s ahead. You got this, no matter the pace.